Today I saw my real mother. Lisa is her name, thats what I call her. Many people think this is so disrespectful. But before you agree to that let me explian why I call her that. Yes, she gave me life, and yes she is my mother, but she has not been a mother for me since i was 6yrs old. She left us when i was 7yrs old. She left us for drugs and to party. Yes she has a problem. But she knows it. She admitted to it. She once told me that she does not want to be a mom anymore and that she has a new life. How is a child to understand this? When I was really small I remember saying all the time to my father and to her that I promise to be a better child and that I will be nicer to my brothers and that I will try to help. I use to cry everynight and pry that she would miss us and want to come back. She did...She would come by and talk to us and buys us stuff and all that. We would think that it was all over. She said she would call and come over the next day, but never did. I remember once I had sat by the phone and waited. I waited from about 6pm to almost midnight, I remember this cuz a week later it was my birthday and she called me at 2am. My father told her that She can never speak to me till I was older where I can make up mu own mind. I was so hurt that she never called. I cried so hard that my dad had to sleep with me. I was so hurt. When ever i see her now and days all these bad things come in my head. I think its better for me to just blog and try to feel better. This is something I can never forget and I dont want to, because I believe it had help me become the person I am today.
My littlest Brother does not remember anything of her, and really has no feelings for her. He was 4yrs old when she left. He says he doesn't remember her as a good mother or really nothing of her. He knows who she is, but says he knows who she is but really could care less about it. He says there is nothing to forgive when he does not the person that she was and the person she is now.
My other little brother is a year younger than me is the only one that talks to her and that has a realtionship with her. He forgave her and is now close. Thats where I saw her today. I had to drop off my neice home and she was there. She kissed me and said I love you. I had said nothing and just wanted to tell her to love off. I can't just be cool with her. There is so much more than I had said here. I went through years of counsling for this. She made me feel like I was worth nothing. I am so greatful to have a father like my dad. He always made sure that we were ok. Even though we fight alot, I love him and I am so happy he is my dad. My mother Lisa is a person I never want to be like and I never want to treat my kids the way she treated me and my brothers. She is still amazed how close my brothers and I are still so close. And I told her that my brothers, my dad and I are family and family are close. I may have hurt her feelings but I told the truth, plus I don't need to sweet coat the harsh truth. She is a bad mother, but I know that she did the right thing to leave me be. Cuz with her in my life, I would prolly not be alive. another story I will one day blog. LOL she is a person that i hope i will never become!
Tags: Mother Her
